Month: September 2014

Separation anxiety – BPD and emotional development

Thank you for sharing.

Life in a Bind - BPD and me

I hate going back into the world after a therapy session. All I want is to remain suspended in that sense of comfort and connection. All I want is that relatedness, that safety, that mutuality. I want to stay in that therapy bubble so very badly, that leaving it is heartbreaking.

I feel guilty; selfish and self-indulgent. I feel as though by wishing myself so strongly back into that therapy room, with my therapist, I am rejecting not just the good things in my life, but the people in my life. I have a husband, children, a good job, relative material comfort. There is so much that I could hope for, wish for, and live for – how can that ‘bubble’ be the most attractive thing in the world to me? How can that be the thing I feel I want more than anything else? As a mother, with her…

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:(

Thank you for sharing.

Multi-Me

Feeling so alone right now. Hate that its the middle of the night. Hate that it feels like I am the only one awake. Been thinking about things, not good when I am feeling so down and lonely and alone. Wishing our therapist was available. Wishing someone was up, to talk with. Wishing someone was around to hug. Wishing…wishing….wishing. Remembering and not wanting to remember. Wanting to vomit because the memories are too much. Wanting to tear my skin off because it is crawling. Just want to let everything out, but I cant. I cant and its killing me.
Carol anne

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Will everything be okay?

Thank you for sharing.

A Curious Mind

Life has been VERY stressful. A job less than perfect, with an owner who lets just say is a Taylor Swift song (http://youtu.be/jYa1eI1hpDE). I can’t help but let my mind wander, one of the first thoughts is will everything be okay? That’s what I’m trying to figure out, when I become stressed my anxiety gets worse and the worst thoughts come to mind. It’s as if all these negative (unrealistic) thoughts crawl into my head and begin shouting. As much as I want to quiet them I can’t seem to because they are controlling my thoughts and are making me worried. Worried about the world ending, about something bad happening, about death, about anything and everything that could happen. It’s hard to deal with it, it’s an anxiety-depression that is so beyond my control that I get lost in the abyss with no way out. Despite my better…

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Being honest with myself..

Thank you for sharing.

behindmysmile

I am going to have to be honest & true with myself….

I suffer from globus hysterics (lump sensation in my throat) & it’s been getting worse recently. My anxiety levels are getting really high. I’m not sure if it’s the psychotherapy making it worse but I just can’t take the pain anymore, it’s constant & it’s draining me.

I’m prescribed propranolol for anxiety which I very rarely take.
I’m really trying to get off the meds as I feel they just mask my “issues”. I’m only on Quetiapine
I’m down to 25mg & I’m
still waiting for a call back from the community mental health team to review this (which I requested a week ago! Arggghhh)

However, I feel like it’s a step back but I’m going to start taking my propanalol frequently….I just need a break…

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MY anxiety

Thank you for sharing.

Nothing Fancy Diaries

I feel that I should share what MY anxiety is.    

I sit all day long with a feeling in my chest.  It is best described as excitement.  Like I am looking forward to something, but nothing ever comes.    My legs bounce, I get antsy and I need to do things to keep my mind off of EVERYTHING (as to the crafting)  

My anxiety is parking my parents old van in the garage on Friday night and being worried all weekend that come Monday morning I won’t be able to get it past the neighbors car.  The whole weekend. 

My anxiety is making plans to do something, and fearing and dreading it.  What am I going to wear, who am I going to talk to, how do I get there, who else will be there, why did I say I would do this… and so on.  It…

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