Month: October 2014

The daughter and the depression

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Mental health on my mind

I’ve realised that I no longer know how to be the kind of parent that my daughter needs.  She is a child who is extremely spirited, very active, quite anxious, and who has very little, if any, ability to regulate her own emotions.  She needs a consistent approach to managing her behaviour, someone who makes it clear to her exactly where the boundaries are so she can feel secure within them, someone who can help her learn through example how to become a good, decent, moral, respectful, polite human being. Someone who can make her know that she is loved unconditionally.

I am unable to be consistent. Sometimes I am firm with her and stand my ground, other times I cave in under pressure, and yet other times, I just give her everything she demands because I can’t face any conflict.  Sometimes I manage to stay calm under the onslaught…

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Abilify: News or Not

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Bipolar Me

I’ve been taking Abilify for several days now. Is it working? It’s hard to say.

I’m pleased to report that I haven’t had any side effects I can’t handle. In fact, I don’t know whether I’ve had any side effects at all. I’ve had a tiny bit of dizziness and some drowsiness. But I have those anyway, either from my other meds or from other physical conditions.

On the positive side, I’ve had a bit of an increase in energy and concentration – as you could probably tell from the fact that I’m blogging again. But is this attributable to the new drug, or is it just the usual up cycle of my own personal roller coaster?

It’s probably too soon to expect anything definitive. Like most psychotropics, it probably needs to build up in my system a bit. Or I may just be one of those people Abilify doesn’t affect…

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Advice about Therapy

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Catch Me If You Can

I know it’s been a long time since I posted. Work and napping after work have kind of taken over my life. One thing I’ve been thinking about is starting therapy for the first time, as a friend of mine recently has. I thought it might potentially be useful to compile some things I’ve learned about that whole process. So, here goes:

Therapy Tips

1. Effective therapy is more than talking.

The first time I saw a psychologist as an adult was during my first semester of college. I had this idea in my head – based entirely on movies and television – that I would go in and describe my problems, then the psychologist would say, “Aha! Here is your problem!” And then I would be cured.

In reality, therapy is a long process that must take place in most, if not all, areas of your life. It involves changing…

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Thinking About Stuff

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Neurochemically Challenged

I’m at the end of another day blog, and I’m not quite as exhausted as I was yesterday. I’ve been thinking though about how very important putting my mental illness first has been. I live my life by a set of disciplines, keeping to my daily dosages of medications, never missing one, going to every scheduled psychiatry or psychology appointment given me, and keeping a good tab on what is going on in my mind. This blog has been a huge part of my ongoing success, as it gives me a place to express my thoughts and sometimes rant about this or that, as opposed to keeping all my inner-dialogue a secret and burying it in my brain somewhere. I’m able to cope with sadness, struggle through negative moments, or even sessions of complete collapse, when it seems as though there is no hope at all. Since that final weekend…

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03:03

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Conflating Inglenook

I definitely need to see my psychiatrist first thing Monday morning since my mood is slipping a lot lately; getting too low. This whole thing is actually getting out of hand, too fast.
I feel like I’m tied to railway tracks and an express locomotive is coming my way. Or maybe it’s more like I’m stuck in the driver’s seat of a fast car, driving too many km/h while I feel like I’m fucking paralysed; can’t steer the wheel, can’t jam on the brakes, can only stare ahead while I’m reaching a turn in the road that will lead me off a cliff.

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