Month: March 2015

Time to Get Busy

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Touch of Depression

Here’s the thing. Once the meds are right and things have leveled out, you realize that there is still a bunch of shit waiting for you. And it was all that shit that put you into a tailspin to start with. Are we just programmed to forever react inappropriately to the stress in the world, or does it just gravitate towards us? I’m usually too busy dealing with my crazy that I don’t see what I’m surrounded with. Time to open up my eyes and use this time of lucidity for all it is worth.

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My brain is broken.

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The Trouble With Trixie

I wrote this post a year ago, in March 2014, but have not released it until today. I don’t know who will see it, and I suppose it doesn’t matter. There will be more to come.


Some days, I’m almost okay. Most days, though, I spend at war with myself, battling the demons that live within my mind. We all have them, I know. I can’t say that mine are any easier or more difficult than anyone else’s. It’s all relative, anyway; all just based on perspective. What I can say is that I have felt afraid, ashamed, and alone in my battles for… well, almost forever.

I have both anxiety and depression, and have struggled with both for most of my adult life. The depression has had a good grip on me for 18 months or so now, since at least October 2013, and the last 6 months have been particularly bad.

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Bipolar – can I think myself better? Part Two

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A blog about lots of stuff

In this post I talk a bit – but in no way exhaustively – about medication and meditation/alternative therapy as separate pathways towards the goal of dealing with bipolar.

Medication

The last bit of part one was just my initial thoughts on considering meditation. Like I say, I am willing, but also I have other thoughts like –

  • Whilst I am no fan of medication, I will not allow myself to be completely in the anti-psychiatry camp either. I don’t think there’s anything to gain by being completely against something.
  • I think it would be foolhardy to dismiss out of hand what help is offered to me.
  • Let us consider for a moment that I had decided as a teenager that I wanted to pursue the career of being a psychiatrist and successfully embarked on the long and difficult process of becoming qualified. In this scenario, there can be…

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Mental health act assessmemt

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Schizoaffective Disorder

I am currently being held on a 72 section against my will.
Today I will have a mental health act assessment to see if I need to be detained for between 28 days and 6 months.
I’m scared. Terrified.
I don’t know what to say.
My instincts tell me to lie. Say I’m fine. Pretend everything is ok. But my heart says I should tell them how low I feel and how I feel like killing myself so they can help me.
I don’t know what to say.
I’m not gonna plan a speech or questions im just gonna go in and see what comes out of my mouth. If i trust them – if they are nice – I will tell the truth. If i don’t trust them I will lie.
It will be ok im sure.
Wish me luck

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Vyvanse Update: Appointment Day!

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Glarin' Erin.

So, I went to the Dr. appointment today. It went pretty smoothly, like it usually does. My blood pressure was even down to normal, 118/82, which was probably the most exciting thing that happened. I’ve been dealing with years of “high-normal / pre-hypertension” readings ever since my meds went all wonky on me and I started swapping. Huge, huge plus for me.

I talked to her about my concerns with my irritability and my anxiety feeling out of control. Basically, she told me exactly what the internet told me; that my body[1] is metabolizing the Vyvanse too quickly, and we need to up it. She said that if it still happens and my dosage feels fine in all other aspects, that’s when we would switch to twice a day pills. Another Vyvanse point: she said that while the side effects should calm down and even out like normal, there…

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